Acupuncture is best when it's a suprise
Acupuncture: ac-u-punc-ture n. A traditional Chinese means of treating some illnesses or of lessening pain by putting thin needles into certain parts of the body.
This week I had to visit customers in St. George and Las Vegas. (not so interesting yet). I had an appointment to meet a customer at a job sight in Las Vegas at 10:00 a.m. on Thursday morning. This appointment was set up by my sales manager, I don’t know this customer, I was told to just ask for Julie and she would take care of everything. Being the early bird that I am, I left my hotel in St. George about 7:30 a.m. (Vegas traffic can be very bad). I didn’t even think of the time change until I arrived at the job site. With the time change I’m now about two hours early. So I sit, and I do some paper work (office paper not toilet) and I call customers, and I sit. It’s 10:00 a.m. and Julie is nowhere to be found, in fact nobody has shown up at this job site, what’s going on? Am I the target of another reality show? Are there cameras hidden in the palms? My phone rings, I’m thinking “It’s Julie, she is running late”. NOT it my sales manager, He ask “Where are you? Why are not at the appointment?” I tell him that I am parked across the street and nobody is here, the gates are still locked and the place is quiet. We discuss my whereabouts (where I am parked, the street I am on, etc…) He then tells me to look to my left at the building that I am parked in front of, so I do as I am told (I do as I am told on occasion). He then says “go inside that building and ask for Julie, everything is paid for and call me when you are finished”. ?huh? I have no idea what’s going on, this seems to be normal for me lately, (I’m like the lamb going to the slaughter). As I approach the door to this building I see a sign, (not from heaven) a sign on the wall “MEDICAL CENTER”, Medical center I say to myself, this is nothing more than an old home that has been converted into a glorified Dr. office, It’s to small to be a medical center. Whatever? I enter and ask for Julie . . . NOW HERE IS WHERE IT ALL FALLS APART . . . “We’ve been waiting for you” says Julie as I enter. She leads me to the back of the building and begins to ask me some funny questions (I’m still in work mode), questions like “how much do you weigh, when was you last physical, have you had blood work done in the past six months? WHOA! I say. I am so lost now? I was sure I came down here to check out a job site? I think you mistook me for one of your patients? WRONG! Julie, smiling, tells me that I am a patient and that my sales manager has made this appointment for me, “He (my sales manager) comes to us quite regularly for various treatments, he has ask up to help you with your headaches”. Headaches! This is my headache and I’m working on it my way. That’s right I said it just like that, am I twelve or what? My way? What an idiot (I should have stomped my feet and held my breath). Okay, I calm down and I have to admit that my curiosity got the best of me. I ask Julie to explain to me “what exactly am I here for?” After all “It’s all paid for”. Can’t be that bad can it? I sit in the little room, and I wait for “Dr. BOB”. (cue jungle music now) Enter Dr. BOB. Yada yada, all formalities aside now here is what we are going to do! Stand up, hold both arms out to your sides, drop one arm, hold this (he places a small vial of liquid in my left hand). Now try to stop me from pushing your right arm down. FAILED. He pushed my arm down. Now we repeat this about 70 – 80 times with other vials of unknown liquids (unknown to me that is). If he is successful at pushing my arm down the vial goes into a box, if he is not successful the vial goes back into its little cubby-hole. (The vials that went into the box represent foods that I have allergies to) (ironically he got them all right!!!) Done with this we move on to more fun, Still standing he is now poking me with his finger, “does that hurt? Is this tender? How does that feel? (it hurts like hell, how would he like me to poke him now?). He says “this spot right here on you neck (where you neck meets your shoulder), it’s very tight, this tells me that your colon isn’t working correctly (I’M NO DOCTOR, EVEN I KNOW THAT MY COLON IS NOT IN MY NECK) (THIS GUY IS A COMPLETE CRACKPOT) (FRICKEN WITCHDOCTOR) (VOODOO FREAK). He says “lie down on the table”, his back to me, he turns around and says “do needles bother you” (HELL YES, THEY BOTHER ME)? Not really, what do you have in mind? TOO LATE! HE GOT ME, I feel the little poke of the needle as it enters my neck, twist, twist, twist, How’s that? Like he cares, I got a damn needle sticking out of my neck, nervously I say “fine I think?” For the next few minutes I was his private dart board, I had needles in my head, face, calves, neck and toes. Then he places his hand on my . . . . (not that) . . . shirt and pulls it up and says do you mind if I put a couple in you belly? Sure you've gone this far, whats a few more? Like I had a choice. (I had around 70 of his little needles in me). Cue funny noises and flashing lights, (I’m at the disco) 10 minutes later, needles out, funny noises off, flashing light gone, “stand up, how’s your headache?” What headache, you scared it away. I had to think for a minute, it’s gone, seriously gone. It’s a miracle. I finally know how those deaf, blind, crippled and retarded people feel when the evangelist smacks them in the head and heals them, you know the ones you see on the late-night programs, c’mon we’ve all seen them. Needless to say, I endured 2 hours of abuse and left the clinic with a goodie bag of herbs, ointments that I'm sure to enjoy. Oh and no more headache.
This week I had to visit customers in St. George and Las Vegas. (not so interesting yet). I had an appointment to meet a customer at a job sight in Las Vegas at 10:00 a.m. on Thursday morning. This appointment was set up by my sales manager, I don’t know this customer, I was told to just ask for Julie and she would take care of everything. Being the early bird that I am, I left my hotel in St. George about 7:30 a.m. (Vegas traffic can be very bad). I didn’t even think of the time change until I arrived at the job site. With the time change I’m now about two hours early. So I sit, and I do some paper work (office paper not toilet) and I call customers, and I sit. It’s 10:00 a.m. and Julie is nowhere to be found, in fact nobody has shown up at this job site, what’s going on? Am I the target of another reality show? Are there cameras hidden in the palms? My phone rings, I’m thinking “It’s Julie, she is running late”. NOT it my sales manager, He ask “Where are you? Why are not at the appointment?” I tell him that I am parked across the street and nobody is here, the gates are still locked and the place is quiet. We discuss my whereabouts (where I am parked, the street I am on, etc…) He then tells me to look to my left at the building that I am parked in front of, so I do as I am told (I do as I am told on occasion). He then says “go inside that building and ask for Julie, everything is paid for and call me when you are finished”. ?huh? I have no idea what’s going on, this seems to be normal for me lately, (I’m like the lamb going to the slaughter). As I approach the door to this building I see a sign, (not from heaven) a sign on the wall “MEDICAL CENTER”, Medical center I say to myself, this is nothing more than an old home that has been converted into a glorified Dr. office, It’s to small to be a medical center. Whatever? I enter and ask for Julie . . . NOW HERE IS WHERE IT ALL FALLS APART . . . “We’ve been waiting for you” says Julie as I enter. She leads me to the back of the building and begins to ask me some funny questions (I’m still in work mode), questions like “how much do you weigh, when was you last physical, have you had blood work done in the past six months? WHOA! I say. I am so lost now? I was sure I came down here to check out a job site? I think you mistook me for one of your patients? WRONG! Julie, smiling, tells me that I am a patient and that my sales manager has made this appointment for me, “He (my sales manager) comes to us quite regularly for various treatments, he has ask up to help you with your headaches”. Headaches! This is my headache and I’m working on it my way. That’s right I said it just like that, am I twelve or what? My way? What an idiot (I should have stomped my feet and held my breath). Okay, I calm down and I have to admit that my curiosity got the best of me. I ask Julie to explain to me “what exactly am I here for?” After all “It’s all paid for”. Can’t be that bad can it? I sit in the little room, and I wait for “Dr. BOB”. (cue jungle music now) Enter Dr. BOB. Yada yada, all formalities aside now here is what we are going to do! Stand up, hold both arms out to your sides, drop one arm, hold this (he places a small vial of liquid in my left hand). Now try to stop me from pushing your right arm down. FAILED. He pushed my arm down. Now we repeat this about 70 – 80 times with other vials of unknown liquids (unknown to me that is). If he is successful at pushing my arm down the vial goes into a box, if he is not successful the vial goes back into its little cubby-hole. (The vials that went into the box represent foods that I have allergies to) (ironically he got them all right!!!) Done with this we move on to more fun, Still standing he is now poking me with his finger, “does that hurt? Is this tender? How does that feel? (it hurts like hell, how would he like me to poke him now?). He says “this spot right here on you neck (where you neck meets your shoulder), it’s very tight, this tells me that your colon isn’t working correctly (I’M NO DOCTOR, EVEN I KNOW THAT MY COLON IS NOT IN MY NECK) (THIS GUY IS A COMPLETE CRACKPOT) (FRICKEN WITCHDOCTOR) (VOODOO FREAK). He says “lie down on the table”, his back to me, he turns around and says “do needles bother you” (HELL YES, THEY BOTHER ME)? Not really, what do you have in mind? TOO LATE! HE GOT ME, I feel the little poke of the needle as it enters my neck, twist, twist, twist, How’s that? Like he cares, I got a damn needle sticking out of my neck, nervously I say “fine I think?” For the next few minutes I was his private dart board, I had needles in my head, face, calves, neck and toes. Then he places his hand on my . . . . (not that) . . . shirt and pulls it up and says do you mind if I put a couple in you belly? Sure you've gone this far, whats a few more? Like I had a choice. (I had around 70 of his little needles in me). Cue funny noises and flashing lights, (I’m at the disco) 10 minutes later, needles out, funny noises off, flashing light gone, “stand up, how’s your headache?” What headache, you scared it away. I had to think for a minute, it’s gone, seriously gone. It’s a miracle. I finally know how those deaf, blind, crippled and retarded people feel when the evangelist smacks them in the head and heals them, you know the ones you see on the late-night programs, c’mon we’ve all seen them. Needless to say, I endured 2 hours of abuse and left the clinic with a goodie bag of herbs, ointments that I'm sure to enjoy. Oh and no more headache.
4 comments:
First, I hate to tell you this, but MY colon is in my neck. Just kidding. What a freaky story!!! Your sales manager really ambushed you? Oh my crap that would be SOSOSO weird. Did the needles hurt? I can't believe it worked! I guess I'll have to make an appointment for Hillary!
Cool that it worked, but weird that he didn't tell you about it. That's not exactly the best surprise ever. I think your response was perfectly normal. I would have been T.O'd.
I love it! This side of medicine fascinates me. I think there are so many things that we do not understand. Is it still working? Are the headaches better? Get your boss to pay for Tao Tan, at least he's local.
I love it! This side of medicine fascinates me. I think there are so many things that we do not understand. Is it still working? Are the headaches better? Get your boss to pay for Tao Tan, at least he's local.
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