Who is "We"?
A few months ago Brother L. and his family moved into our ward. You know the kind, the minute you meet them, and especially after they speak in church, you just know they are a little odd.
Yesterday at church Brother L. came up to me in the break between Sunday School and Priesthood and asked if he could talk to me for a moment. I have never spoken with this man before. Here’s how the conversation went:
Brother L: My father-in-law is in California dying of Stage 4 cancer and we don’t expect him to live much longer.
Me: Oh, that’s too bad.
Brother L: We need to prepare the body for a family viewing. Nothing big, as it’s going to be family only.
Me: I am wondering why he is telling me this, I don’t even know him.
Brother L: My father-in-law was in the military and we need to find someone to play Taps for the family service.
Me: We? Who is we? Does he think I’m a funeral director? A mortician? Do I need to prepare the body? Do I need to find some to play Taps? What does he want from me? Why does he keep saying we?
Brother L: The service should only be an hour or less and after that we are going to have my father-in-law cremated.
Me: Okay. So now we have to cremate him too? My mind is racing. My thoughts are trying to stay ahead of him. I am trying to figure out who he possibly thinks I am. What is going on here?? Where are the hidden cameras?
Brother L. So . . . . Can I borrow one of your caskets for the family viewing?
Me: Uhhhh, no. Hell No!!!! That’s illegal . . . AND CREEPY!!!!!!!!! Once a dead body has been placed in a casket, that casket must be buried with that body or a dead body shortly thereafter because of possible contamination and disease.
Brother L: Ohhhhhhh. :(. Any suggestions?
Me: Call a mortuary. And stay the hell away from me and my family.
On second thought, maybe I should have made a deal. He could borrow the casket, and I could use his father-in-law in my Halloween scene next year. Un-cremated, of course.
9 comments:
that is way weird. I saw it coming but knew for sure when he said he was going to be creamated. i swear that people can be so socially awkward to save a buck.
Weird Cheapo! Probably telling the family that he is burying him and cremating him to save a few bucks. Probably collecting money for the casket too. Run away! Run away!
And I thought we had all the weird people in our ward! That is too funny. What the 'L.' is wrong with people??
why would you ask someone to borrow their casket? that is just weird. i'm speechless.
Eeewww! That is sick. What a freak! But think how much creepier your coffin would be - full of disease and dead guy juices. Mmmmm....dead guy juices.
Mandi, can you say "guy juice"?
I do agree it would have added to the creep factor.
Why am I so selfish with my Halloween stuff?
I think you are so selfish! Why wouldn't you let him use your coffin? They could hose it out after. Ewww shudder. I do like your deal idea - yeah have him not cremated and use him next year! You'd win any contest for SURE!! I am still laughing..this is so dang funny. What a goofball - why would you ask for such a thing?!!
How long have you been unprivate and blogging again?? I feel so out of the loop.
That dude...seriously...
You should arrange a deal where you loan him the casket in exchange for the dude's mummified head. Then you can display it at Halloween.
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