Old people are funny

Bronson and I went to visit my great Aunt. She is 80 years old and has had three strokes in the past year. Her most resent was just three weeks ago. Her husband Richard (he went by Dick) died six years ago and left her quite comfy if I must say. He also left her with a garage full of tools. Bronson was amazed with all the old stuff (photos, tools, wood work, furniture, etc . . .) that she had in and around her home. He asked her question after question about where everything came from and who made it for her. He was the dream of every lonely old person. She was fascinated by Bronson and how inquisitive he was. She said to him “I’ll bet you never get bored. Do you know what it means when someone gets bored? People get bored when they lack the imagination to find something to keep them busy. If you allow yourself to get bored then you’re just a stupid ass” (of course I laughed) However, Bronson wasn’t sure how to react to this. He acted like he has never heard anyone talk like this before (anyone other than Grandma Moore). Later as my aunt and I were in the garage inventorying her late husband’s tools, Bronson, looking kind of sheepish and nervous, whispers to me “Dad, she keeps saying the “D” word”. I asked him “what “D” word? I haven’t heard her say anything wrong”. He then points awkwardly to his lower mid-section (below his belt) and said “you know the “D” words like myyyyy ummm”? I just about wet my pants laughing, “ Bronson, her husband’s name was Dick”. Then I spent the next three hours trying to explain that “Dick” was not a bad word many years ago, and that someone made it a bad word. I don’t think he understood (I don’t even understand). The reason for our visit was that I have a cousin that is trying to convince her to sell all of my uncle's tools to him for $1,000.00 (Just the larger items have a worth closer to $4,000.00) (he just wants them so he can sell them on Ebay). She wanted me to come and get some of them for myself and then help her put a value on the remaining. As I am going through some of the cabinets , she says “I don’t like Aaron (my cousin). He annoys me. He is a mischievous little stinker, and I don’t trust him” Now Aaron (my cousin) has a reputation for stealing things from my Grandparents and selling them on Ebay. He literally looks like a fish that was left out in the sun for a few days. I’m serious. He was born with some sort of facial birth-defect that his parents chose not to have repaired. Anyway, my Aunt tells Bronson that (talking about Aaron’s mom) “Diane’s kids are not much to look at, in fact they’re quite ugly! All of them are just ugly, they are just ugly kids, and Aaron, well he is just retarded in his own way”. By this point in our visit Bronson has caught on to the “Old girl lingo” and he is somewhat using it to his benefit. He is being so helpful and polite, she can hardly resist giving him the contents of her garage. She did however give Bronson two cement chisels, (he was beyond excited), and she gave to me a saws-all and a jig-saw and some antique tools that used to be he fathers (I have his tool box in our living room) and some other hand tools. As we were leaving she hugged me and said “Tell VICKY and the girls hello and bring them with you next time” (Ryan, I now know how you and Holly feel)

Bronson says: “Dad, I like her, she says some funny things, and she swears a lot”.