Ashby's World

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Ashby and I made plans to work in the yard all day (she really loves yard work). Ashby is a pretty amazing kid, and if you have the chance to hang with her one-on-one, you’ll find out just how amazing she can be (or how exhausting she can be). We started out by verbally planning who, what, where, when and why we were doing the entire yard. Ashby works very well one-on-one and I soon found that she and the tree that she was talking to were doing just fine. She was telling the tree that she doesn’t like worms, “HEY, did you see that worm? It came right out of the dirt and tried to bite me, I hate worms, they’re like boys”. She puts on her ratty-shoes so that we can mow the lawn (YES, WE MOWED THE LAWN TODAY, NO IT IS NOT TOO EARLY). As we are mowing she says “Dad, these are bad shoes, they are not working with the mow-lawner (she calls the lawnmower a mow-lawner), even in my imagination I can’t get the right shoes for the mow-lawner”. Moving along, we went to Wingers for lunch (the first sit-down restaurant in Riverton, (((BONUS))) and it is right next to the Home Depot). We needed a few things from Home Depot so she planned lunch first, shopping last (Ashby seriously hates shopping). She gave her order to our waitress (Angie) and then we colored in the kids menu, the food comes, it’s all good until Ash runs out of “ranch dressing”. I have no idea what’s going on until it’s to late. Ashby clears her throat loudly as our waitress walks by, not once but twice she clears it and then . . . “be a dear, darling, and get me some more ranch” just like that, she commands this waitress. I want to die right now, fortunately the waitress missed the black-girl double finger snap. As we finish our lunch, mind you we have been working in the yard so we look like trailer trash, she says to our waitress . . . “I want dessert, and (pointing at me for our waitress) he has so much money, get it for me”. So I bought her dessert, asphalt pie, I’m still trying to convince her that I didn’t say the “A” word when I said Asphalt pie. Okay, now we are at Home Depot, Ashby climbs into the cart and says that her elbow hurts and that it’s making it hard to walk. (?) I didn’t get it, either way she got the ride and I got to push. We were looking for a new leaf-blower and a gas can. Ashby picks out a leaf-blower that is on sale, (good girl, I have trained her to look for HD bargains). It is lime green with purple trim, (seriously, green and purple) no room in the cart because Ashby is in it so I push the cart with her in it and carry the leaf-blower. Then she says “you know why I picked that one Dad? Cuz you wont be able to loose it with those colors hahahaha nooo-dilly doooo-dilly you wont” She is talking to the leaf-blower and telling it that it looks like a lizard that had been thrown into a blender and that the purple was the lizards blood (it’s the little Halloweener in her). We find the gas can, she starts fake crying, I don’t even want to know why so I ignore her while I’m looking at some seeds for our (her) garden, still fake crying she tells me she has to have broccoli seeds for her garden, $1.98 for the seeds and the fake crying is over. Then we head for the lines (Saturday at the HD is like rush hour on I-15). We stand there for less than a minute, she is through with this shopping and wants out now. So, out of the cart she comes, arms full of gas cans (I'm getting two), garden seeds, she is trying to go through the self check-out line without me, and in front of everyone that has been waiting for who knows how long. She spots a HD employee and says “HEY, why don’t you open that (pointing at the closed cash register) so we can get out of here?” It worked, the nine year old girl did it, she figured it out. Just be the loudest person in line and state your needs and someone will grant your wishes. The employee took our cart to the closed cash register and checked us through, in and out of HD in less than 20 minutes on a Saturday. The rest of the day went along fine, she told every tree, shrub, flower, and weed in the yard that it was precious and cute and not to worry about the hair cut that it was about to receive. She also screamed every time she saw a worm, then she gave it a boys name and smacked it with the shovel. Her world is too exhausting for me.